Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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