Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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