shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
