did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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