There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
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I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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