Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
