from now on my penis is your penis
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
