I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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