We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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