My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
