My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
