she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
