I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
