Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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