She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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