But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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