It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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