So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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