A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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