If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
