is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
