K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
