am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
