put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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