youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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