if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
