He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
