I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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