I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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