i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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