"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
