My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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