My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
