Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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