I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
false alarm. still invincible.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
