i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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