I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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