I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
