I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
