The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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