Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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