Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
