its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
