he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
