You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
