Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (236) Good night (66430) Bad night (3016)
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  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

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  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (114) Good night (24837) Bad night (1077)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.

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  (608): Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there. (1-608): Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it. http://tfl.nu/bpdw
  Replies (40) Good night (5149) Bad night (1166)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

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  (847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz
  Replies (19) Good night (7298) Bad night (1369)
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  (707): View more from California

  She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.

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  (707): She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed. http://tfl.nu/z812
  Replies (22) Good night (1518) Bad night (4948)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.

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  (715): Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester. http://tfl.nu/dlm3
  Replies (19) Good night (1331) Bad night (4279)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.

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  (715): I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk. http://tfl.nu/px56
  Replies (7) Good night (2296) Bad night (1009)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

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  (816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk
  Replies (13) Good night (4837) Bad night (1294)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...

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  (419): She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in... http://tfl.nu/af00
  Replies (6) Good night (1687) Bad night (1105)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.

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  (901): She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas. http://tfl.nu/43pp
  Replies (2) Good night (1378) Bad night (938)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Valid question

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  (440): At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex." (216): Valid question http://tfl.nu/clyn
  Replies (6) Good night (1655) Bad night (563)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.

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  (586): She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her. http://tfl.nu/tkh4
  Replies (0) Good night (604) Bad night (367)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.

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  (614): By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/y4y3
  Replies (2) Good night (404) Bad night (837)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch

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  (330): Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch http://tfl.nu/nj3s
  Replies (1) Good night (508) Bad night (328)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.

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  (208): You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes. http://tfl.nu/vghn
  Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (190)

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