I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things