My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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