mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
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The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"