Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.