Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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