I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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