So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
