my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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