Your dad touched me again.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
