Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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