She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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