went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
