I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
