Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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