8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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