I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
