were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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