i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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