I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
