So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
