my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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