i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize