I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
