med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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