my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize