Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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