FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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